When Do Couples Need a Coach Not a Counselor
Updated: Aug 6, 2019
I've stumbled into a whole new paradigm in my coaching that's becoming a significant focus for me, especially after moving to Colorado:
I can tell you when couples need a counselor for sure... from experience and from desire to stay together. When your most significant relationship matters a whole lot, and you're just in a downward spiral that's not going away - arguing the same argument and dancing the same dance - get the help of a counselor trained to bring you together!
However, over the past six months or so, I've stumbled into a whole new paradigm in my coaching that's becoming a significant focus for me, especially now that I've moved to Colorado:
Coaching Couples....particularly visionary couples who want to create change or leave a lasting legacy.
I stumbled into it, particularly when a few spouses said the same thing, "I would love to do more together with my spouse in the next season... just not sure what that is."
I asked, "What about having your spouse take part with us on a retreat?" They said yes. Both of them!
The results and the feedback since then? Incredible! Here are some quotes sent to me from some couples.
"We got right at the fear that's been killing us for years."
"The accountability and sound board for both of us was huge!"
"I know we will look back at this moment as pivotal in our lives."
“If you’re going to have a successful marriage, this is a journey you need to take together."
Soooo.... when should someone consider Couple's coaching?
When couples are...
1. Stuck in Neutral
They really aren't going anywhere.... That may be together or individually. They don't feel a vision or the sense of forward movement or momentum that drew them together.
One spouse told me, "I was so drawn to their vision and plan for their life. It's so hard seeing them feeling like they're just getting by at work and that affects everything."
In this case, she had to convince her husband to call me. He resisted at first, but then quickly came to see this approach could be exactly what he was looking for.
2. Stewing Over Transition Options
This was what brought Mindy and I to do a 4 day couple's retreat in Missouri this spring. We needed to consider whether to stay where we were, move to Colorado "next year" or move right away.
Our busy lives left us no real space or "same page" way to process the decision. Of course, we "didn't have time to do it." In retrospect, we'd still be stewing had we not done this!
We needed to process all that went in to this decision. We needed a way to think through all the options. We needed something forcing us to make the dang decision.
Any coach worth his or her "salt" can quickly help you get clarity when big decisions arise... especially in seasons of transition or change.
--- Getting married in the first place
--- Where to live, what to do
--- Whether to change careers
--- Whether to move
--- Whether to work together
--- What to do during our "retirement" years.
3. Shooting for Something Totally New for a New Season
This particularly relates to couples seeking to work together in an entrepreneurial venture, starting a ministry or creating something new together.
As you may know, Mindy and I started a church together in 1991. WOW! we sure could have used a coach!!! What were we thinking by not having one? (Well, they didn't exist in any real way back then, so we just hunted for any "adult" that would listen and help.)
We didn't need a counselor at the time. Most importantly, we needed someone who could help us discern 1. What I did and she didn't do. 2. What she did and what I didn't do. 3. What we both did together.
A coach could have saved us years of stagnation, role confusions and many thousands of dollars of counseling.
Does this sound intriguing? Do any (or all!) of these three connect?
If it does, let me know your thoughts... OR get in touch and see if a free "Big Shift Consultation" is right for you (either with your spouse or just you at first)
The outcomes I am experiencing include more clarity, confidence and even intimacy! And what couple doesn't want those???
PS: Get in touch through the VIP Day form if interested OKI